There were a lot of embarrassing moments that happened in my teenage years, especially when it came to boys. I had a crush on this guy once, Elliot. He was, at that time, the most popular guy in my hometown, even among the 5 famous schools. I got to know him through my closest girlfriend at the time, who was (again, at the time - how things changed) his godsister. She was freaking out about talking to him and asked me for help to do the communications work. I did a lot of that for her back then, and got to know a lot more people that I probably shouldn't have known for my own good. Ah well, let bygones be bygones.
Now, Elliot's life has always been drama-worthy. I'm guessing by the look of his Facebook, that hasn't changed that much either. But back then, it freaked me out that I could be talking to him. The friendly tomboy who doesn't know a spec of boys in her early puberty years was talking to the most popular guy in town. If you were me back then, most of you probably wouldn't feel any different. A lot of girls dream to be close to the popular guy one time or another in our lives.
Then came Elliot's birthday. I come from a normal (and loving) family where gifts that were handmade are (still) very much appreciated. The heart shaped pillow I made for papa when I was 8 years old is still in his drawer I think. And seeing as I didn't have much budget for an expensive gift, I opted to give Elliot something I thought was more meaningful (to me), a bottle of stars and a couple of handmade flowers. I know what're you going to say. He's a guy, receiving flowers (especially at the age of puberty) pretty much spelled geek. I made them, put them in a bigger box and handed to that close friend of mine to give it to him.
I later found out that he opened the presents in front of everybody. I'm not sure whether this is in my head or it really happened, but I have a certain memory of knowing that a few girls actually laughed at what I gave him. Sounds very typical, isn't it? Needless to say though, I was embarrassed. I wrote what I could in my diary (I didn't have a blog back then) and locked it in the deepest chasm I could find in the house: my bedside drawer.
I shudder to think if I ever should take and read back the part of 13th of August. Yes, I still remember the date, very clearly. It was a moment that I really do not want to recall and yet can't help but to. This makes me think that sometimes, when a person is used to receiving expensive gifts, no matter how bad being materialistic is, it is hard to give them anything else that meant spending less than what they're used to receiving. Just to give you an example, at the moment, Hugo Boss perfumes is his cheapest gift yet. Note the 's'.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
I'm a person who loves to make handmade things. It makes me feel like I'm making more of an effort into the gift. One of my main love languages is receiving gifts. It makes me happy to receive one and to give one in return. I think I spend half my yearly allowance back in puberty time on sending Chinese New Year and Mooncake festival packages to people all around my hometown. And it made me happy when the same people have the courtesy (?) or the initiative (?) to send one back to me. It was the sign of a close friendship for me, as materialistic as that sounds.
So as a result, I have made it some sort of an obligation for the people that I'm close with to give me something for birthdays, anniversaries, special days and so on. Some people might think that I just love presents. True. I do love them. I love something that I can keep, use, or hold onto. But it is the people who give me the presents that mean the most to me. You should see how many trinkets I have kept over the two decades that I have lived from the people I love, my family in particular. Every single one I have kept, even if they're just taking up space. I'd cry if any of them is thrown away. That's how much I cherish these things, materialistic or no.
Ange drove me to meet me at a highland resort for my birthday this year. And to be honest I feel rather guilty for asking something from him as a present. Driving to meet me itself should be something that I appreciate to no end, which I do. But I guess my being adamant and wanting something solid to remember gets the better of me. *soft laughs* I'm sorry...
Sometimes when people ask me what do I want for my birthday, I feel rather odd. Of course I would love to tell them anything, anything at all that I needed. But sometimes, it is also the spontaneity that makes me appreciate the present all the more. I guess in my heart, it isn't just gifts that touches me, it's the effort behind it.
But to papa and mama, thank you so much for giving me what I want for my birthday.
To papa, thank you for asking before my birthday ever came. Thank you for buying me both the present and the birthday cake, which I relish in eating even if it is squished beyond recognition after coming home from the trip *chuckle*. Also thank you for loving me so much.
To mama, thank you for giving me the allowance to spend, knowing that I need it. Thank you for loving me so so much to the point I want to cry every night.
To my brother and sister, thank you for giving me the present, even thought I suspect it was just a by-the-way purchase =w=;;.
And to Ange, thank you, for driving up to see me, for being there with me on the day that I could call my own, for kissing me and hugging me, for agreeing to get me another thing for my birthday even though I know that driving up is already one heck of an effort for you to make ( ❤ ), thank you for setting your schedule aside for me, thank you for loving me and taking in my ridiculousness regardless of the time of day, and thank you, for being by my side.
I love all of you so so much. Thank you. ❤❤❤❤
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With much love,
Kaitlyn ❤
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