Comic Fiesta afterthought

Why am I avoiding everything that I need to face now? Aren't I the one who is supposed to be used to face matters head on even if it means getting me in a little trouble? *sigh* I'm not too sure why...

Comic Fiesta ended yesterday and part of me actually thought that I did well for a first time costume player. I remembered that one person actually asked me to take my picture without anyone's influence, and even asked for my name card. I was, and am, proud of myself because of that one person. So to her, I say thank you. Later, when my friend Mitchel took pictures of me, then only the rest wanted to. And even then I didn't know how to pose for them. Felt too awkward and felt that I couldn't maintain a smile more than 3 seconds. I didn't think all that mattered. And thus, I was happy. 

Then today, I opened the social site, and took a look at everything. Everybody's costumes were awesome. Their poses were practiced and excellent. But what made my heart have a pang is the person who dressed up as Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Esmeralda was my original plan. And I guess it is silly of me, but I didn't think that anyone would dress up as her, considering that it is a character less known. Not too sure why, but it hurt me to know that someone dressed up as her. I know there's free will and all that. But I can't help what I feel. Because it is due to lack of budget that I chose to dress up as a normal gypsy, which probably caused nobody to recognise who the heck I was. And there's that someone, someone who dressed as Esmeralda, not as good as the ones I've seen online, but good enough nonetheless for a local costume player. 

Now, I'm playing Ragnarok Online to - in a way - escape from all those thoughts. People would tell me to distract myself so that I won't have to think about those depressing thoughts. Let me tell you something. Distracting usually never works. It only helps for that moment only. Solving the problem is the true cure to emotions being down. 

I thought of dressing up better next year...then it hit me. Didn't I say that it would be a one off thing? I didn't want to get myself into all the drama, into all the pressure. I felt immense pressure before going to Comic Fiesta yesterday. I was scared that nobody would know that I dressed up. I was scared that nobody would ask to take my picture (God bless that girl in the hall). I was scared of a lot things. Granted, I did try. And I guess to some people that's what that matters. But I guess I'm just bothered because I'm not even too sure if the people who wanted to take my picture after Mitchel did took it because they liked my costume or they just think that I'm a 'named' costume player when there is a photographer with a professional camera sitting there taking my picture with another person holding that reflector. 

I also want to thank Angeline...I believe that she wanted my picture because she knew me. God bless her. She made me feel confident, at least that little amount. =) Thank you.

Ange encouraged me to dress up as a High Priest next year. Or maybe the lady from Resident Evil, Ada Wong, due to her being able to fight in a cheongsam as he says. The split up the thigh is a little bit too high though. Maybe I can find a solution to that. =3 Custom make it is this time. =)

Christmas month

Heh...the first post for December. A hectic month for sure for most university students, as most of us have finals coming soon, thus the assignment deadlines are looming near. I have deadlines too. But alas, my brain doesn't register the intensity of the stress when my body does feel it. My heart feels like it's a little chokey now, but my brain really can't seem to see any urgency or the high level of the assignments. Is it just me? Because all of a sudden I'm finding myself trying to get out of every single class / assignment with just the minimum requirements. This makes me doubt my ability if I really want to get to Masters. Probably that line isn't for someone like me. But I'm not sure what I'm going to do in the future.

Ah well...take what comes I suppose. God bless me.

So...CF is coming before Christmas this December. I already have my costume done and ready, just hoping that everything will go as planned. Don't you hate it when plans just get messed up at the last minute? The amount of effort you have to give just to make things similar to what you want or to make things to a level where it's tolerable for you. Heh...I'm having coscards made though. It will be a first time that I'm having any sort of card made for myself. ~(_^_)~ But I'm wondering if anybody will be ask for my coscard, seeing as my costume won't really be a normal cosplay costume, more to Halloween side of things. Renaissance wench / Western European gypsy. A generic costume. One thing about being generic though, is that I can change my costume to suit my tastes, anything I want I can put on: hats, scarves, make up, jingles even. 

Listening to Christmas songs now. But it doesn't feel much of a Christmassy feel. Probably because I can't decorate my room (nobody except my roommate will see it anyway) and I can't play the music without the headphones (roommate is already in bed - so early =A=) because I can't disturb people with my crazy Christmassy mood. Perhaps when it's nearing (a few days before?) the day itself I'll start wearing a Santa hat, just to liven up the mood. Let people stare if they want to. Spreading the Christmas spirit is sorta more important. xD