People and drama, they just come together.

Day after day passes by and I'm sitting here wondering, why does time fly so fast? It seems like only yesterday that I was thinking this week was going to be hectic (it was Sunday of the previous week)...and it wasn't, and it's already Saturday of the this week. 

Well, enough about time. 

Being in the cosplaying community for a while, it makes me wonder about the drama that people can cause. When personal interests come into play, a lot of the time, people can forget about relationships. As they say in Chinese, "recognise money don't recognise people". But in this case, it's more to personal benefits instead of money. 

I've seen very popular people screw up their methods of dealing with their issues. With this era being the era of the Internet now, some of them seem to deem it wise to share their issues with an anonymity of names on their Facebook accounts. And then they would have all their friends come in and comment (i.e. bashing, flaming, etc.) on the same status, with the person stating "you know who you are". 

Really people?

That's not the way to deal with things. Now I'm not a saint, nor a wise person that's been meditating on the top of the mountain for years. But the wise thing to do when one has issues with someone else is to directly go to the person and explain what issues that they have. Not to post about it online, hoping the person that you're mad at will read the post, be bothered with it, and then reply to you / post about it on their own status and then you end up denying that you ever meant it about them because, well, you didn't really mention who now did you? 

Confronting people with issues that you have with them isn't about giving yourself space to back down from your words when people have issues after hearing what you said. Being mature / wise isn't about posting things online with an anonymity on names either. It just shows that you're too much of a coward to want to deal with people personally, being scared of what drama they might cause you. 

So what if you're scared? Does that mean you go to the Internet? So what if you're worried they're going to cause more trouble than its worth? Does that mean you're ethical to post something like that? No.

*sigh* What people fail to understand most of the time, is that we need to face issues directly, scared or no. If you fear that the other party will give you trouble for talking to them directly, then figure out a way to get past that. 

I've faced a coward bully once before. She was bent on spreading rumours about me because she couldn't stand that I was dating her crush. My crush was hell bent on beating things out of her (a reason why the word "was" is used) but I convinced him to let me try to deal with it. I don't need people to use violence to solve things (although admittedly, landing a slap on her would have been satisfying). I knew she had a gang of friends that would back her up. So I figured out a way to get to her alone. 

I called her out in the middle of her class. She had no choice, because her friends could not follow her and the teacher had allowed me to see her at that moment. I talked to her amicably, told her that what she's doing is going to cause her more trouble to her than to me. Upon telling her that her crush was intending to beat her up, she believed me. And she promised never to do that ever again. 

Now, I knew that her friends were the one who egged her on (I never did like those lot). But confronting her was the wisest thing I could do. There was another experience, where another girl, sadly having the same cowardice (it must run in the people of the same year in that school because both of them were friends, not too close though) accused me of frisking her boyfriend. Now, what I did was only to pat him on the back, asking him if he had lunch, and going off to my own class. Next thing I knew, the girl started a vendetta against me, saying that I am a flirt. If she didn't have faith in her own boyfriend, that's her problem. But bothering me with gibberish was not the wisest thing she could have done. 

I had no chance to confront her, as she furiously avoided me, knowing that her story was based on non-existent stories. She had only wanted her friends to blindly support her, not caring if they knew the real story. But I did the next best thing. As a favour, I asked the boyfriend to talk and convince her that what she's doing is nonsense. In his defense, he did apologise, even though he had no skills whatsoever to control that ball of cowardice that was his girlfriend. Other than that, I did nothing. It wasn't wise to do anything other than that. 

The girl and I never talked since. But she wasn't all that much a good friend anyway. So it didn't really matter too much. 

Now I've stepped a bit too far from the original intent of the post. What I meant to say was, facing your issues directly is always a good way to start. Never go around facing them. Never post them publicly online. Just go to the person who you have issues with, because that is the way to solve problems. If that doesn't work, then, well, you can go ahead and do whatever you see fit, because you've tried your best at wise choices anyway. 

On a separate topic, we all had the notion that only girls create drama within themselves whenever they sense a threat to their position, interests, etc. Today, I've learned that guys do that too. 

Screw the bro code. There are men who would screw their brothers over just so that they can slap him in the face (not literally) when he's down, especially when their love interest has anything to do with it. Hypothetically, the story was, Leonard likes Audrey and Arina. Mack successfully dates them both (obviously not at the same time). Now Mack's a decent guy, albeit a lil' soft of my taste. Mack's second girlfriend, Arina, had just broken up with him. Arina, Leonard, and Maximilian are good friends. So, when Mack and Arina had broken up, the latter went to talk to Leonard and Maxim. Leonard, being jealous, wanted to rub the break up in Mack's wounds. Thus, both Leonard and Maxim goes to "bring news" to Mack on what Arina said, some of it being "you guys have no chance being together anymore", complete with gloating voice. 

It baffles me on how guys would do this to their own brothers for the sake of someone they like (not that the other person actually likes them back for that matter but I guess that's a moot point to crazy people sometimes). For what it is worth, I really do hope Mack learns from all this. It does get sickening when you have to tell the guy the same advice after two broken relationships. 

Detached impossibilities...

Have you ever wanted a friendship that is just so effortless, that you need not care about when can you be yourself? Have you ever wanted to just relax in a relationship, not having to worry about whether you're going to be stepping on landmines, or time bombs? 

I've been through these couple of days, planning every step with effort. Because I am a person who loves to be bubbly, squeal-y, and highly enthusiastic with my friendships when the mood comes, I always find it so hard to accept that some people can't be the same. It makes me think whether they're going to hate me for "making an effort" to talk to them. 

I myself have certain timing when I do not want to talk, usually  if it's a person I don't know too well, I won't reply too enthusiastically, but I'll still show a warm welcome regardless. I can do that, so sometimes, I do wonder, why can't anybody else can? They show me warmth, oh yes, they do. But the sort of warmth that makes you feel that it's forced sometimes. Because to me, even a little bit of resistance can make me feel unwanted. Being a linguist and a member of the female species, I catch even the littlest resistance to warmth people give and interpret it to something less warm, especially if I don't know the person that well, which makes it harder to interpret correctly. 

I've met with many time bombs over my years of getting to know people (and no I'm not that old). So dealing with time bombs is somewhat of a learned skill when it comes to me. But it doesn't mean I like dealing with them either. Dealing with time bombs and landmines is really one hell of a journey. I've dated a time bomb. Hated it to the very core till this very day. I need a person who can be lively when I'm lively, and not dead when I need them to be nice. 

Yes, I have to admit, I'm a rather...people-pleasing sort of person. I search for recognition from people, because I am the eldest. I grew up with encouragements and praises for what I did good, and also scoldings from what I did that wasn't good. So I got used to that life, and constantly seek for people's approval of what I'm doing. I guess it's sort of a given now, now that I'm in this different community that literally means seeking approval (nowadays at least). 

Having said all that, it just hurts when you feel someone you like very much (platonically if it's the opposite gender) not having replied you as enthusiastically as they did before, or as you do now. It just makes me feel tired knowing that I have to be careful around these people that I want to be good friends / close friends / long-lasting friends with the most. I don't want to piss them off, obviously. But it's just very tiring to know that you have to plan every step, so as to not overshoot their "like-ness" of you. It's very tiring to know that you have to placate them for them to like you as a friend, even though you very much just want to talk to them and tell them about your day and in turn ask about theirs. 

I haven't written for a while. I guess there hasn't been much in my life that's giving me an inspiration. There's a lot worth writing. Just that I lack that motivation these days. Laziness is almost my middle name *chuckle*. Maybe there's been too much happening around here. Ever since that event ended, I find myself caring more about that other community, when I should have just been detached like I always said I should be. I don't really know how to balance things anymore. 

My emotions go on roller-coaster rides far too easily. Perhaps I shouldn't be bothered with a world that seeks people's recognition, because it only will feed my insecurities far more than decrease it. But it is part of my dream, I think...or is my dream a part of my need to get people's approval? Should I stop that sort of feeling by stopping altogether? 

Sigh...it's hard isn't it? Hard to be non-detached, especially when you never made yourself to be that way. 

First post of the new year : 2014

First day of the new year of 2014. *rolls rolls rolls about* I have no inkling as to what I want to do now. Oh, I know what I should do, and that is studying for my French exam in two days (but less than 48 hours TAT). But my heart is not letting me want to do it, and I can tell you, that's the highest level of procrastination I can give you. (._. ) When my heart doesn't want me to do something, the thing really can't be done. If I force myself to, all that will come to be is just much yawning and complaints of tiredness.

French, french, french....seriously I am never ever going to take another foreign language again unless I'm sure that I want to commit to that time. Studying for it is such a drag...compulsory, yes I know; but still a drag nonetheless. Now I'm trying to convince Ange that it is best for me to study beside him (although I'm seriously doubting that myself...but then again, I have been known to act when I need to, I've done my best assignments with him by my side for goodness sake =3=) but I'm not sure he'll take me up on that suggestion. O~Q

My first professional dressing up picture is already out, thanks to Michael Tang Photography. It reminds me to get a new corset, a decent one this time instead of a paper made one from "taobao". OTL Anything from taobao is only worth wearing once (or twice if one really wants to push it). Hopefully, my next attempt at dressing up will be a little more decent. Thinking along the lines of High Priest, Ada Wong or Lina Inverse. Am currently leaning towards Lina Inverse now, but I'm sorta the opposite of how Lina looks like. She's Western (from the name), short and has small boobs (-_-). I won't say anything further than that. =A=

On another note, I'm excitedly waiting for the Sony Xperia Z1 mini to be launched in Singapore and in turn, locally. Ange promised to buy me one so that I don't have to worry about my phone (my sordid Samsung, although lovingly bought by my dad, is starting to make me want to throw it at a wall). God bless him. T^T Been racking my head on how to save up (even if I do save up to a certain amount, obviously I need to save up more than that to actually want to use that amount (._. ) ) and I reluctantly asked him. He said instead of the C that I asked for, he rather get me the Z1 mini so that I won't have to worry about my phone for two years. TAT I love him sho sho much! (so touched...)

May the new year of 2014 bless us with all the happiness, luck, prosperity, smiles, safety and fun that exists. :) Oh yes, can't forget love too. >D God bless us all~ <3