People and drama, they just come together.

Day after day passes by and I'm sitting here wondering, why does time fly so fast? It seems like only yesterday that I was thinking this week was going to be hectic (it was Sunday of the previous week)...and it wasn't, and it's already Saturday of the this week. 

Well, enough about time. 

Being in the cosplaying community for a while, it makes me wonder about the drama that people can cause. When personal interests come into play, a lot of the time, people can forget about relationships. As they say in Chinese, "recognise money don't recognise people". But in this case, it's more to personal benefits instead of money. 

I've seen very popular people screw up their methods of dealing with their issues. With this era being the era of the Internet now, some of them seem to deem it wise to share their issues with an anonymity of names on their Facebook accounts. And then they would have all their friends come in and comment (i.e. bashing, flaming, etc.) on the same status, with the person stating "you know who you are". 

Really people?

That's not the way to deal with things. Now I'm not a saint, nor a wise person that's been meditating on the top of the mountain for years. But the wise thing to do when one has issues with someone else is to directly go to the person and explain what issues that they have. Not to post about it online, hoping the person that you're mad at will read the post, be bothered with it, and then reply to you / post about it on their own status and then you end up denying that you ever meant it about them because, well, you didn't really mention who now did you? 

Confronting people with issues that you have with them isn't about giving yourself space to back down from your words when people have issues after hearing what you said. Being mature / wise isn't about posting things online with an anonymity on names either. It just shows that you're too much of a coward to want to deal with people personally, being scared of what drama they might cause you. 

So what if you're scared? Does that mean you go to the Internet? So what if you're worried they're going to cause more trouble than its worth? Does that mean you're ethical to post something like that? No.

*sigh* What people fail to understand most of the time, is that we need to face issues directly, scared or no. If you fear that the other party will give you trouble for talking to them directly, then figure out a way to get past that. 

I've faced a coward bully once before. She was bent on spreading rumours about me because she couldn't stand that I was dating her crush. My crush was hell bent on beating things out of her (a reason why the word "was" is used) but I convinced him to let me try to deal with it. I don't need people to use violence to solve things (although admittedly, landing a slap on her would have been satisfying). I knew she had a gang of friends that would back her up. So I figured out a way to get to her alone. 

I called her out in the middle of her class. She had no choice, because her friends could not follow her and the teacher had allowed me to see her at that moment. I talked to her amicably, told her that what she's doing is going to cause her more trouble to her than to me. Upon telling her that her crush was intending to beat her up, she believed me. And she promised never to do that ever again. 

Now, I knew that her friends were the one who egged her on (I never did like those lot). But confronting her was the wisest thing I could do. There was another experience, where another girl, sadly having the same cowardice (it must run in the people of the same year in that school because both of them were friends, not too close though) accused me of frisking her boyfriend. Now, what I did was only to pat him on the back, asking him if he had lunch, and going off to my own class. Next thing I knew, the girl started a vendetta against me, saying that I am a flirt. If she didn't have faith in her own boyfriend, that's her problem. But bothering me with gibberish was not the wisest thing she could have done. 

I had no chance to confront her, as she furiously avoided me, knowing that her story was based on non-existent stories. She had only wanted her friends to blindly support her, not caring if they knew the real story. But I did the next best thing. As a favour, I asked the boyfriend to talk and convince her that what she's doing is nonsense. In his defense, he did apologise, even though he had no skills whatsoever to control that ball of cowardice that was his girlfriend. Other than that, I did nothing. It wasn't wise to do anything other than that. 

The girl and I never talked since. But she wasn't all that much a good friend anyway. So it didn't really matter too much. 

Now I've stepped a bit too far from the original intent of the post. What I meant to say was, facing your issues directly is always a good way to start. Never go around facing them. Never post them publicly online. Just go to the person who you have issues with, because that is the way to solve problems. If that doesn't work, then, well, you can go ahead and do whatever you see fit, because you've tried your best at wise choices anyway. 

On a separate topic, we all had the notion that only girls create drama within themselves whenever they sense a threat to their position, interests, etc. Today, I've learned that guys do that too. 

Screw the bro code. There are men who would screw their brothers over just so that they can slap him in the face (not literally) when he's down, especially when their love interest has anything to do with it. Hypothetically, the story was, Leonard likes Audrey and Arina. Mack successfully dates them both (obviously not at the same time). Now Mack's a decent guy, albeit a lil' soft of my taste. Mack's second girlfriend, Arina, had just broken up with him. Arina, Leonard, and Maximilian are good friends. So, when Mack and Arina had broken up, the latter went to talk to Leonard and Maxim. Leonard, being jealous, wanted to rub the break up in Mack's wounds. Thus, both Leonard and Maxim goes to "bring news" to Mack on what Arina said, some of it being "you guys have no chance being together anymore", complete with gloating voice. 

It baffles me on how guys would do this to their own brothers for the sake of someone they like (not that the other person actually likes them back for that matter but I guess that's a moot point to crazy people sometimes). For what it is worth, I really do hope Mack learns from all this. It does get sickening when you have to tell the guy the same advice after two broken relationships. 

Insecurities?

Y'know what? I've come to understand that Facebook has become a very dangerous entity for all those out there, especially those people that go "please notice me!". They sit in front of the computer for hours hoping that something interesting would pop up in their notification's box, better yet if it's from someone they admire. 

I am here now to admit that I do all of that sometimes. I am very insecure about myself at times. Ange knows that very well by now and he tries to deal with it. But then, I am trying to not let it bother me. I forced myself to log off my Facebook a minute ago after waiting for ten minutes wondering if anything would happen after I posted a status. *sigh* This really has got to stop. But how does one stop being insecure?

Insecurity has always been something that's been plaguing me since my childhood. I search for approval from everyone around me, hoping that they would support me in what I do. I couldn't help it, my parents encouraged that and I didn't want to do anything to stop it. Being the eldest child, sometimes it's hard to stop looking for approvals because everyone around me is waiting to disapprove of me. And thus, I try my best to make them approve. It's a harmful cycle, I know. But after more than two decades of going through things like that, I am finding it hard now to change my habits and my state of mind.

I see other people's statuses being commented on and 'liked' and I get sort of depressed / let down when I saw nothing happening on my own stuff. Then I start wondering "isn't my things any interesting?", "Am I not trying hard enough?" or even "should I try harder?". Some of you would see me make an effort because I really am trying to make friends with you, please you guys, be the good / funny friend that everybody would love to have. Yes, I know it's superficial. Yes, I know it's shallow. But boy have I been trying to help it.

In my life, people who truly loves me will love me and be my true loyal friend (and we all know how scarce that can be nowadays). On the other hand, those that hate me / dislike me / is indifferent really comes one too many. Makes me want to sit them all down and talk to them and ask them what the hell did I do to make them feel that way. Some say that it's because I'm that good (in what I'm still not too sure, but still feels good to know I'm 'good' in something :) ), some say it's because I'm good with boys (easier to talk to than girls in general, where I have to worry about if anything I said will offend them), some say that it's because that I'm tall. 

I don't know what am I trying to prove when I try to make people like me. So don't ask me that question. All I know is, I'm trying and I'm still not sure where the heck am I heading with all this. =~=

The Irritating that is Abigail

Hello folks. I'm back here tonight to just key in what I've been feeling for the past few days / hours. Been snacking on some Wonka NERDs and I think I'm already rather addicted to them already. Ah well, they're pretty fun to eat, and that tangy sourness hits the right spot on my taste buds =3

Very addictive I have to warn. =3

Hokay...well...let's see what do we have here. My friend Michel has again gone up and about an argument with his now ex-girlfriend Abigail. He wants her back oh so badly to the point he's willing to travel out to another state just to help her mother to paint the house on her request, after the break up. ==;; Sorta sordid if you ask me. I know he's trying to get her back (fat chance on that side in my opinion, not that I want her to be back in my life at any rate, bimbos are the people I rather stay away from for my own health), but who on Earth who head to the mother's place just to help her paint the house after they've broken up with said girl??? Retarded in my opinion. =A= Granted, I may already be biased as I don't feel any love for that girl, but then again, common sense, when broken off, it isn't wise to not make it a clean cut.

Abigail's a psychology study ladies and gentlemen. Now, I know that this is a stereotype (so forgive me), but one can assume naturally that one who studies psychology has the ability or has, at least, learnt the skill of being able to put oneself in another's shoes, truly in another's shoes. Abigail, however, is a special little one. She uses the skills that she's learnt in psychology to make other people feel inferior, and thus, unable to compare to her in terms of words and skills. And best part, the girl won't even listen to reasons given by many scientists that girls are born with more grey matter (thus with more emotions) and guys just don't have that. 

Honestly she's going to be one of the worst psychologist in history of the world if she keeps that up. Can't imagine what her life's going to be. Thankfully Ange agrees with me at this point. Fortunately or unfortunately, he is the one with the guts to say things about her knowing that there's a risk that Abigail's going to be sneaking a look in on Michel's Facebook account. I'm rather of a scaredy cat of people's hatred I'm afraid. So I'm rather reserved on my comments, but knowing myself I still couldn't help but still to say something about her to Michel, further agreeing to Ange's thoughts about her. 

Now the poor lad needs someone to talk to, and honestly I do want to help him. But I do have an early exam tomorrow that I have to get to, and also the fact that I'm going home tomorrow for a month. Not too sure how I feel about that, but at any rate, if not now, he'll need to wait a while before being able to talk to me again (oddly it's not just Ange that he wants). To be honest I feel like I want to be able to enjoy tonight. But I guess I'm not too sure now. "Once in a while, a person has got to be selfish to save oneself"...is what they say.

An odd lament

Ever looked at an ex of your beau's and stop and wonder: "Gee...their names actually clicked as a pair in my head once before"? Yeah...you're not the only one. It's not jealousy, not really. It's just that I knew Ange before we got together. Knew him for around less than a year if I'm not mistaken. He was still with her then, although probably already estranged, just that I wasn't in the loop to know it. But in my head, their names clicked together once back then.

I was one of the people who gets curious about certain people, and when I do I actually go to their Facebook and stalk their pictures *laughs*. Well, it was interesting to say the least, when I first got to know Ange. I added him on Facebook (very highly unlikely that it was he who added me first, but there is still that possibility =x) and we somehow just started chatting. I saved a copy of our conversations from when I just got to know him until the few days after we got together. One heck of a long conversation if you ask me. But all the more worth it to read back. 

I'm the type that loves to read a backlog, to see everything again, to relive the romantic memories. I go back to those conversations and think with a cunning thought that the me back then didn't even know that this was going to happen, and the me now knows it. It's a silly thing to think about, I know. But it does give me a sense of satisfaction when I know that the me now knows something the me back then didn't, and it was something crucial.

Ange and I were...to say the least...very good friends back then. He was the person I ranted to about everything in my life, to be honest, I think he was the only one who would listen so patiently. =x As a person who can't really stop talking to certain people, he was a Godsend. So long he had the time, he would oblige to talk to me on an endless time period. And I really appreciate the friendship. It just didn't occur to me that it would get to this point with Ange. Funny how things can work out. =)

My dad constantly chides me about my past decisions, one of them being the decision to study locally when I could have studied abroad. Of all the things I may have regretted, I do not regret staying here. It is by staying here that I have got to meet Ange, and to be with him now, and I thank God for that.

Anyway, back to the original topic (I do get off track a lot when I'm a roll =x). What I was going to say...the girl and Ange's name used to click together once in my head. I used to get a little jealous looking at her name appearing together with his, I wasn't too sure why, oddly saying. Maybe God was trying to send me a message then. It just bothered me a little to see her name there. But as I've said, I didn't know why. I didn't even acknowledge that feeling and just brushed it off and wished the man well. 

I don't know why am I even breaching the subject here. But it just occurred to me as odd, because when I see her name anywhere near his now, I feel a stronger (stronger, but not strong) jealousy there. And now I acknowledge it, as if it's something familiar. No matter what, she once was what he fancied, I can't be all too comfortable with that right? But then again, I know have nothing to worry about. I trust him with my heart. It's just sometimes, the heart gives me a kick in the wrong direction that I know I should not follow, but am still thrust upon the doorway of that path anyway, tempting, albeit it being a very weak temptation indeed. Unreasonable jealousy was never a strong temptation in the first place right?

Looking at what they said again...yeah, the pang is still there. It's just something natural, I think (?). It's not easy seeing your beau and an ex being so friendly (but then again it's not too hard either considering the circumstances). Technically I am on speaking terms with my exes. But most of them I rather not go near at all, knowing that it would open one hell of a can of worms that no one wants to face. Let bygones be bygones and pretend I don't know them 'cept by name. It's easier to live life that way isn't it? Let my new life take over and forget the past, if only to forget the bad memories. 

Yeah it's probably the fact that I have nothing to do (technically speaking, I do have assignments on my tail, just that RO distracted me =x) that I am typing all of this now. But then again, I welcome these moments, regardless of the topics. I rarely get the motivation to write, let alone write so long a piece, gibberish put aside of course. Well, it's late. It's off to bed then. Ange's at the movies with Keats now (sounds like the poet, doesn't he? =3 Keats I mean...) and I'm supposed to wake up early tomorrow. =w=

Have a goodnight folks. And a Happy New Year~ (muehehehehe...)

Negativity and the negatives

I am protective. And I've just realised that I wasn't like this before. Is it because of the bullying in my past that made me change into this negative self-protective person that other people try to avoid being my friend? Am I not worth being someone's friend?

Callum was right. We really have to have other friends other than the beau. Gives more drama to talk about other than the technical stuff. And yet, when I look at myself, I know that I am negative about things a lot. I don't like it when people are / make it seem that they are better than me. I just have a habit of giving the opposite opinion. If other people are positive about something, I tell them something negative about it to balance things out, and vice versa. But when it comes to people of the past who looked down on me, who bullied me, who just put front the image of themselves being better than other people, sometimes it makes me feel resentful. I feel like as if they don't deserve the image that they portray. 

There are people who just exudes a certain aura that shows their status, but without being snobby or without being show off-ish. Those are the people that really deserves to be where they are. They don't try to show their superiority, they just exude that particular aura that makes me feel very impressed.

Alas, those people are very rare nowadays. In my whole life I've only seen a few who are like that, worth being impressed about. When it comes to those who purposely want to show off, I immediately have a certain judgement about them. Granted, we should not judge. But this is something that I cannot help. I utterly dislike those people who has once done me wrong, or has ever given me a bad impression. Even if they've changed to be a better person, I cannot help but to continue to resent them. We shouldn't judge people by their past, true. But that's only possible if what they did in their past does not include you. 

Would you forget a bully if you were bulllied by them once before? Even if they changed into a saint, you'll find yourself maybe able to forgive them, but never being able to forget. And since the people who did me wrong once before didn't become saints, safe to say that I still haven't forgiven them. They're don't deserve the forgiveness. You can say that they don't care anyway, and not forgiving them is just harming myself. But I cannot find it in myself to forgive them. They really just don't deserve it. 

Because of all that, I'm almost negative by nature. People around me are so positive that I always give the opposite opinion anyway. Is it because of this that friends seem to shy away from me? Or at least, if not shy, they don't remember me when they think of friends? 

Granted, it is safer to keep my opinions to myself. My friend Edward said once, it is safer to not say anything so that people won't have anything to put against you. Ange has that principal too. Alas, I'm not a person who can keep anything inside myself. I've learnt when I was a child that if you kept anything to yourself, nothing good will come out of it. You'll just suffer more. Either the bullies will continue to do what they will, or the idiots will continue to become idiots. So why not tell them that they're being idiots? They won't like it? So what? If they don't listen, isn't it their own folly? 

These are the few questions that I ask myself constantly from time to time. Why don't we tell people who are idiots that they are idiots? Why do we keep things to ourselves to save our butts and to continue to watch people be idiots? When I say idiots, I mean those who are trying to make themselves look like hoes, those who join in things because they just want to be popular, and so on. 

*sigh*

I also get jealous very easily in certain cases, but usually the first time is with a very valid reason. Anytime after that, because my mechanism recognizes that this person has done me wrong once (whether they themselves know it or not), especially when they've never apologized, my heart continues to want to be negative towards this person, even if it's is for a simple reason, rational one or not. And it irritates me further when the person I tell this negativity to, supports that person. Inside my head, my subconscious must be screaming : "why can't you see that this person doesn't deserve your praises???!! Why can't you be on my side for a change????!!!! Why must you be a freaking pacifist????!!!"

Cruel...and unreasonable, I know. I have that side of me. But as I've said, it is something that we cannot help. Edward once said to me, intelligently, we know what we're supposed to do. We know where the boundaries are supposed to be set. We try our best to fend off what people deem is bad and negative. But emotionally, when the feelings come, they will come. We cannot stop them, neither can we tell them to go away. It is something that we humans cannot help but to follow. How true...

So what do I do? 

Two is perfect but is three a crowd???

Do we ever feel jealous whenever our best friends try to bring a new friend into the fold? Or when the new friends try to squeeze themselves into the fold? Well...I've been through both. And through my experience, both of them really isn't pleasant at all.

When it comes to friendships, I'm rather territorial. I don't mind extending my hand of friendship to a new person that I have just met. But when that particular person is invited in without my consent or tries to push in the fold without my consent, I will feel my shackles rise. My brain will naturally want to reject that person away from me, and most importantly, away from the group. I just don't want to lose the solidarity that I have with the current friend, especially if it is a best friend. 

There have been too many cases in my life where the current friend pushed me out of the circle because of that new friend. Granted, some of you would say that maybe they weren't 'steady' enough to be my best friend in the first place. Or maybe I did something wrong. But no, I always try my best to be the loyal and helpful friend. I've never done them wrong. So my guess is as good as yours. Maybe I just wasn't interesting enough.

At any rate, self-pity aside, I just don't like it whenever a new person comes into the fold forcibly (through my eyes). My (gay) best friend Callum has asked to bring a new friend to our gathering. More of a date than a gathering, seeing as it is only two people. This new friend is a girl that I know exists. We talk fairly little, mostly only random comments on each other's posts on Facebook, and even that is once in a blue moon. Through Callum, I have known that this girl has some sort of a same interest as me and him, Literature and books. She blogs too, but I rather not include her blog in here. 

Now, Callum is gay. So obviously (in case some of you think so), there is no romantic intention towards him whatsoever. I waste no time in telling you that I am poker straight. But I am just the type of person that cannot stand someone else trying to bring in someone new. Probably it's some sort of a trauma from past experiences. I tend to think negatively of the person they try to bring in, even for no reason at all. 

This girl, I shall call her Fiona (a name I really don't like in the first place, so you can see where I'm coming from), is not someone I can relate to. To be honest, I'm not even sure that I want to relate to her or connect with her. She speaks English and thus, language is not the barrier. But Callum and I have this bond, this bond where it enables me to crap about whatever topic under the Sun. And I personally feel that anyone else who is there will just ruin the bond. I've been through the same with Elene and her boyfriend where when she's around, I am unable to talk about anything personal with him, with him being my past best friend. 

I don't know what I should think right now. But I guess if Callum is willing to bring her in a once in a long while gathering together, I'm guessing that he isn't that exclusive a friend after all. Someone told me once that having a smaller circle of friends means you don't have to take much crap from people. Usually a smaller circle means most of your friends knows you very well and vice versa. But in my case, I'm guessing that having a small circle of friends only makes me risk being hurt by them more and not being able to have back up. Harsh as that sounds, this is reality.

Waging a war with the experts in a game is like you're prepared to lose...innit...

Ever think that sometimes, we go around trying to make others feel more inferior than us? Even subconsciously? Yeah...I do that sometimes. But not to make others feel inferior, but instead to make myself feel superior.

You see...there is a difference between the two. What I see certain people are doing is that they use their so-called 'skills' to play mind games with people. Most of the time it's using words, whether it's from a bully, an academic (a plain psychology student maybe?), or even the smallest kid. We do a lot of things either to make other people feel inferior to us (in other words, bring them down), or to make ourselves feel superior (bring ourselves up). 

Certain people like to bring others down. They humiliate others by pushing them around, saying mean things (that mostly aren't true and come from their own insecurities) and beating people up, even. Some use things that they learn from places to play with people's minds without the use of violence. Myself, I like to think that I do both. I bring people down and pull myself up, but more on the latter, and only when I'm hopping mad. I say whatever I want about that certain someone (of course, making sure that it's a logical explanation before I start spouting words) to the closest people around me (preferably someone that has something to do with the person I'm mad at or it won't have the impact that I want), just to make myself feel better without actually hurting the person I'm mad at. I never actually get mad at a person without actually knowing that I have good reason.

Regardless, I still sound rather mean, don't I? *sigh* 

I have this friend of mine who has just gotten his first girlfriend, a psychologist student at that. Ange told me that she has made a hobby out of 'playing' his friends, using words to make them back up and probably with the intention to show that although she's only two decades old she's still 'smarter' than the rest of the twenty-year plus year old friends. Unfortunately, she made the mistake of coming to me with her childish way of playing. Childish, because being an expert is at least knowing to find out about your opponent's strengths before actually going ahead with her game. 

Needless to say, she lost. She tried to play with my mind, to get me to back up to her 'teasings' just as how she expected all her boyfriend's friends to be like. She didn't know she was dealing with the Mistress of this game. I analyse people faster than anyone can complete their sentences. The minute she came in with her 'war' strategies, she was a goner, I saw through her straight away. Knowing she wanted to play, I played along with her, trumping her at every strategy she had on her sleeve. She was, at most, a good player. Me and Ange are veterans. When she threatened in her way, to go to Ange with her 'teasings', I invited her to go ahead, not even worrying about him as I know, if she was stupid enough to 'play' him, the one losing would be her. She knew that she had nothing on me, and thus she gave up the game. 

I didn't bother so much before because my friend was a willing recipient of her psychopathic warfare, so long it didn't come to me and Ange. Now that it has come, it made me mad that she doesn't even know her own level to play with the experts. Ange said that I'm probably mad because she is similar to me. Yes...she is similar, but without empathy. And that is where she will lose dearly should she forget to measure the strengths of her opponents. I ask analysing questions to allow myself and other people see themselves better. Most of my 'clients' get surprised whenever they answer my questions and find out new things about themselves. I enjoy making people squirm sure, once in a while, but only teasing them as a good friend, never to shoot at people. 

You've brought the war to me. Make sure you don't come to me or Ange with your nonsense again. I don't mind being your friend. But come to me with another war in your mind and I can assure you, you will find your degree totally useless when you're facing me. 

True friendship and what comes with it

Today, I'm going to talk about friendships. It occurred to me that sometimes, people don't know what it takes to be a true friend. I've seen people with friends left, right and center. Every Tom, Dick and Harry seems to be their friend. It makes me doubt whether that person is trying to make friends, or just trying to increase their popularity. Granted, there are people like Gabriella Montez in High School Musical that just make everybody like them, without trying. But in this time of day, I find that when I see people who has more than two thousand friends on Facebook (and increasing each day), I'm not sure that I can believe those people are even people that they know. 

There's a thousand on my own page but I am trying to cut out the ones that I don't even know. I used to want to have a lot of friends on my social sites. We were using Friendster back then. In Friendster, there was this thing that we call 'featured friends'. I would add those people who were 'popular' (so to speak) and 'famous'. And if we were close enough, I would eagerly put them as my featured friend. Now, about half a decade later from then, I find that it is very over-rated to show people how many friends you have on Facebook when half of them is just for show. Thus, I am making a point to un-friend anybody that I do not even know (even if it's just knowing that they exist in my hometown) when their birthday notifications pop up. Everybody has a birthday, so I expect that I'll narrow down the list after 365 days. *chuckle*

I want to talk about true friendships. Friendships where both sides contribute to the relationship. A close friend of mine has offered me this analogy of friendships, or any relationships to for that matter. He dubs it the 'push and pull' theory. Imagine an empty room, with just a door. That room is the space for our relationships, be it friendships, kinship or romantic relationships. Imagine two people in the room, two friends, two lovers, two siblings, you pick. Now imagine their aura emitting around them, filling the room equally, or as equally as you can. If I have to draw out an image, it would be something like this:

The two circles are the two people. The pink is one person's aura, and the blue, the other person's aura.

In a normal push and pull relationship, one person would push and the other would pull (their auras in or out), making sure that the room (the relationship) is always filled. However, let's say when the Pink pushes too much, the Blue will find that he needs to contribute less to the relationship. And when Pink has pushed too long then decided to pull back to see what Blue would do, it would be a while for Blue to feel the emptiness to push back. Worse comes to worse, Blue would find the need to go out the door, as in get out from the relationship. 

It's a fairly simple analogy, and I credit my friend Zeke for giving me this information. It has been a bundle of usefulness in my life, trying to use it to explain to people who would not care nuts about a certain relationship, friendship or kinship. I use the theory to comfort myself too, whenever I find myself pushing too much, then pulling back only to realize that the other person doesn't push back immediately at all.

The 'Push and Pull' theory is what we usually call the give and take. Push means putting in effort. Pull means allowing the other person to make the effort for you to maintain that relationship.

I've been in friendships that required me to do most of the pushing, only because I'm the more enthusiastic one. But to know that the other person isn't pushing back at all when you try to pull, you find that your efforts were a little redundant. 

Miss Wilhelmina was that particular person in my life. Mina came from a distant land to my university to study. During the first semester, she was alone. Everybody didn't know anyone, so obviously some of us get a little distant in fear of stepping into a new world. Then came the second semester. I befriended Mina and we became best friends in due time. I talked to her, I accompanied her, I sat with her, I taught her languages that she wanted to learn. This friendship continued into the third semester. Any drama I had in my life, I told her about it, and thankfully, she was (is) open-minded enough to give opinion and support me in whatever I decide to do. 

I took in to heart to go out of my way to take care of her. Coming from another land, I was pretty sure that she missed her home. And so I made it a point to ask her out, bring her go shopping, for a drink and so on. I would even go to her hostel to do assignments together while gossiping the day through. Granted, it was fun while it lasted. Fourth semester hit and I found another friend through her, Kate. Kate's different from Mina. If I were the vivacious, active and loud person, Mina would be the balanced one (loud when she has fun but quiet in other places), and Kate would be the totally introverted one. Kate and Mina were close from the start, so I welcomed her into the group. Alas, little did I know, Kate would be the one who'd end up being my close friend, instead of the latter.

After a while I noticed changes in Mina. To set a day for the three of us to have a girls day out is like making an appointment with the President of the United States. Actually, I think the latter would have been easier, because Mina kept bailing on me. The last straw came when she bailed on me at the last minute for the third time. I ignored her, and brought Kate out for a fun time with Ange's help. Kate understood what I went through as Mina made her go through what I did a few times already. She was too chicken to walk out the door (reference to the push and pull theory), so she advised me to do so before I got hurt further. I understood, Mina had other friends now with me helping her to fit in, so she wanted to forget me. I got the message and backed off.

I take friendships seriously. I take care of the friends whom I see as true friends. I don't forsake them, I treat them fairly, and I make sure that even when I have a boyfriend I will never abandon them when they need me. I don't understand why others can't see that when they just cut off their friends just to please their other half, what they're doing is unfair. I've had best friends who cut me off because their girlfriends got jealous of me, though I had no intent to make my mark (or any mark for that matter on their boyfriends). I have a boyfriend myself, might I remind them again.

True friends won't cut you out of their life without an explanation. If you need to stay away from any of your friends for a while because of a boyfriend or girlfriend (especially a girlfriend since girls are rather touchier), make sure you at least explain yourself. It's not fair to treat any of your friends unfairly by just cutting them out for no reason. It will just show that you are too immature and without a back bone to at least have the guts to explain. In Mandarin, people like to say that 一定要给他人一个好好的交待, I find that very commendable. 

Credits to Google Images 

At least one of the past best friends who did try this on me came back to me to make it up. But his girlfriend Elene still isn't that decent. She still wants to be possessive in front of me, to show me that he is hers. So I'm here to tell you this, lady. Your boyfriend is yours to keep, but what you are doing is just showing that you're not confident enough in yourself to keep him around. I would never try to take any of my friends away from their other half. But I don't expect the other half to take my best friends away from me. I'll be fair to you, I won't even try to slander you to him although I know that is what you did before in an attempt to tarnish my good relations with him. You do what you see fit, but don't expect me to see highly of you when that happens. God bless you when you've realized what you yourself have done. Amen.