Visiting pasts

Have you ever visited the past? Not literally, obviously. But more like going back to old messages, looking back at old conversations, memories, etc. What did it feel like looking back? More in particular, what did it feel like looking back at old relationships? Nostalgic? Wistful? Or relief? 

Well, what if you had the chance to look back at someone else's past? Interested? 

Being partly emphatic, mostly thanks to my high insecurities of what people might or might not feel, I can relate to certain experiences through word conversations. Word, because there is a record of past conversations, provided the people it belonged to did not delete said conversation. I can't relate to a lot of factual experiences, perhaps, yes. But, emotionally, I can. Pain, especially. The pain of breaking up.

No no...it isn't my breaking up with someone that I'm talking about. No. Those were very uneventful. And not something I want to go back to to be honest. It not my own experiences that I want to relive. It's other people's. 

Don't you think it to be interesting? To be able to visit other people's pasts. And then to wonder what feelings actually went through their hearts, to allow them to spew out such eloquent (or not) words. There is this person that I had the chance to went through the past for, all thanks to a certain online application that kept conversations in archives for years. 

I looked back to certain names that used to mean a lot to him. And there my adventure started. I used random word searches in the conversation so as to help me get back to the particular timeline that I wanted to see, knowing the guy's story. Because I knew who the guy is, I wanted to know who he was. 

As I read through the words, all I could think of is the pain that he must have went through during that particular period of time. The empathy in me shot volleys of pain through my heart knowing how he must have felt when he uttered those words. And I felt for him. He isn't who he used to be. But I sit here, thankful that I know who he is and who he was before. 

I got a bit miffed knowing that he doesn't do what he used to when it comes to me now. But I guess, with each different change, personalities change along with it. 

Visiting his past made me feel just a wee bit different about him at the moment. But then again, it just means that my view of him changed, just by that much. And it's good that it did. Because it means I can love him just that much more than I already have. :)

People and drama, they just come together.

Day after day passes by and I'm sitting here wondering, why does time fly so fast? It seems like only yesterday that I was thinking this week was going to be hectic (it was Sunday of the previous week)...and it wasn't, and it's already Saturday of the this week. 

Well, enough about time. 

Being in the cosplaying community for a while, it makes me wonder about the drama that people can cause. When personal interests come into play, a lot of the time, people can forget about relationships. As they say in Chinese, "recognise money don't recognise people". But in this case, it's more to personal benefits instead of money. 

I've seen very popular people screw up their methods of dealing with their issues. With this era being the era of the Internet now, some of them seem to deem it wise to share their issues with an anonymity of names on their Facebook accounts. And then they would have all their friends come in and comment (i.e. bashing, flaming, etc.) on the same status, with the person stating "you know who you are". 

Really people?

That's not the way to deal with things. Now I'm not a saint, nor a wise person that's been meditating on the top of the mountain for years. But the wise thing to do when one has issues with someone else is to directly go to the person and explain what issues that they have. Not to post about it online, hoping the person that you're mad at will read the post, be bothered with it, and then reply to you / post about it on their own status and then you end up denying that you ever meant it about them because, well, you didn't really mention who now did you? 

Confronting people with issues that you have with them isn't about giving yourself space to back down from your words when people have issues after hearing what you said. Being mature / wise isn't about posting things online with an anonymity on names either. It just shows that you're too much of a coward to want to deal with people personally, being scared of what drama they might cause you. 

So what if you're scared? Does that mean you go to the Internet? So what if you're worried they're going to cause more trouble than its worth? Does that mean you're ethical to post something like that? No.

*sigh* What people fail to understand most of the time, is that we need to face issues directly, scared or no. If you fear that the other party will give you trouble for talking to them directly, then figure out a way to get past that. 

I've faced a coward bully once before. She was bent on spreading rumours about me because she couldn't stand that I was dating her crush. My crush was hell bent on beating things out of her (a reason why the word "was" is used) but I convinced him to let me try to deal with it. I don't need people to use violence to solve things (although admittedly, landing a slap on her would have been satisfying). I knew she had a gang of friends that would back her up. So I figured out a way to get to her alone. 

I called her out in the middle of her class. She had no choice, because her friends could not follow her and the teacher had allowed me to see her at that moment. I talked to her amicably, told her that what she's doing is going to cause her more trouble to her than to me. Upon telling her that her crush was intending to beat her up, she believed me. And she promised never to do that ever again. 

Now, I knew that her friends were the one who egged her on (I never did like those lot). But confronting her was the wisest thing I could do. There was another experience, where another girl, sadly having the same cowardice (it must run in the people of the same year in that school because both of them were friends, not too close though) accused me of frisking her boyfriend. Now, what I did was only to pat him on the back, asking him if he had lunch, and going off to my own class. Next thing I knew, the girl started a vendetta against me, saying that I am a flirt. If she didn't have faith in her own boyfriend, that's her problem. But bothering me with gibberish was not the wisest thing she could have done. 

I had no chance to confront her, as she furiously avoided me, knowing that her story was based on non-existent stories. She had only wanted her friends to blindly support her, not caring if they knew the real story. But I did the next best thing. As a favour, I asked the boyfriend to talk and convince her that what she's doing is nonsense. In his defense, he did apologise, even though he had no skills whatsoever to control that ball of cowardice that was his girlfriend. Other than that, I did nothing. It wasn't wise to do anything other than that. 

The girl and I never talked since. But she wasn't all that much a good friend anyway. So it didn't really matter too much. 

Now I've stepped a bit too far from the original intent of the post. What I meant to say was, facing your issues directly is always a good way to start. Never go around facing them. Never post them publicly online. Just go to the person who you have issues with, because that is the way to solve problems. If that doesn't work, then, well, you can go ahead and do whatever you see fit, because you've tried your best at wise choices anyway. 

On a separate topic, we all had the notion that only girls create drama within themselves whenever they sense a threat to their position, interests, etc. Today, I've learned that guys do that too. 

Screw the bro code. There are men who would screw their brothers over just so that they can slap him in the face (not literally) when he's down, especially when their love interest has anything to do with it. Hypothetically, the story was, Leonard likes Audrey and Arina. Mack successfully dates them both (obviously not at the same time). Now Mack's a decent guy, albeit a lil' soft of my taste. Mack's second girlfriend, Arina, had just broken up with him. Arina, Leonard, and Maximilian are good friends. So, when Mack and Arina had broken up, the latter went to talk to Leonard and Maxim. Leonard, being jealous, wanted to rub the break up in Mack's wounds. Thus, both Leonard and Maxim goes to "bring news" to Mack on what Arina said, some of it being "you guys have no chance being together anymore", complete with gloating voice. 

It baffles me on how guys would do this to their own brothers for the sake of someone they like (not that the other person actually likes them back for that matter but I guess that's a moot point to crazy people sometimes). For what it is worth, I really do hope Mack learns from all this. It does get sickening when you have to tell the guy the same advice after two broken relationships. 

Finally at that place...

Yesterday, I finally was at a place where I ultimately okay with my parents knowing what I'm doing in my life (for the most part anyway). I finally approved my mother's Facebook friend request after so long keeping it in limbo. 

I was a rebellious kid. I did many a thing that I kept a secret from my parents in fear of them scolding me. Because of it I developed a sense of defensiveness as a child that I (fortunately or unfortunately) brought up to my young adult years. 

These days, I'm trying my best to not snap at my mother (out of defensiveness and my own impatience, I am very sorry about that). I am trying to control my temper and to always try to tell her as much going on-s in my life as possible. There are certain things still that I find I cannot tell her directly, but to allow her to guess and for me not actually confirming her answer (to give myself some leeway just in case someone gets mad). But seeing as I don't post those things on Facebook anyway, and I'm assuming that I can still rant without the 'rents screaming at me at the top of their lungs (God bless them), I made the decision that approving my mother's request on Facebook won't be the worst thing ever.

Ange always told me to think, if I can take the consequences of what I might do, then go ahead and do it if it makes me happier. I have a friend, Vince; he was so adamant for me to not approve the request because he still insists that parents should be clueless about our so-called "fabulous" life. I can see that he is still at the rebellious stage, not really growing up. But then again, looking at the state of his family (I'm not to gossip, but to state facts), I don't blame him (too much). 

I want my parents to be a part of life. Now that I'm not at home often, and what with my temper when I am I home, I want a platform where I can share what I'm doing with my parents without me snapping or them reacting too badly when I break out something to them. It's not the perfect step, I should be telling them things personally instead of relying on technology like Facebook. But it's a step I can take at the moment, because I am trying to work on my impatience, not to mention my defensiveness that causes a lot of trouble. 

And personally, I think mama would be happy too, knowing that she can somehow keep in touch with me when she wants to. I don't post too much personal things on there now. But it'll allow her to feel like I'm still with her. I know she misses us.