Visiting pasts

Have you ever visited the past? Not literally, obviously. But more like going back to old messages, looking back at old conversations, memories, etc. What did it feel like looking back? More in particular, what did it feel like looking back at old relationships? Nostalgic? Wistful? Or relief? 

Well, what if you had the chance to look back at someone else's past? Interested? 

Being partly emphatic, mostly thanks to my high insecurities of what people might or might not feel, I can relate to certain experiences through word conversations. Word, because there is a record of past conversations, provided the people it belonged to did not delete said conversation. I can't relate to a lot of factual experiences, perhaps, yes. But, emotionally, I can. Pain, especially. The pain of breaking up.

No no...it isn't my breaking up with someone that I'm talking about. No. Those were very uneventful. And not something I want to go back to to be honest. It not my own experiences that I want to relive. It's other people's. 

Don't you think it to be interesting? To be able to visit other people's pasts. And then to wonder what feelings actually went through their hearts, to allow them to spew out such eloquent (or not) words. There is this person that I had the chance to went through the past for, all thanks to a certain online application that kept conversations in archives for years. 

I looked back to certain names that used to mean a lot to him. And there my adventure started. I used random word searches in the conversation so as to help me get back to the particular timeline that I wanted to see, knowing the guy's story. Because I knew who the guy is, I wanted to know who he was. 

As I read through the words, all I could think of is the pain that he must have went through during that particular period of time. The empathy in me shot volleys of pain through my heart knowing how he must have felt when he uttered those words. And I felt for him. He isn't who he used to be. But I sit here, thankful that I know who he is and who he was before. 

I got a bit miffed knowing that he doesn't do what he used to when it comes to me now. But I guess, with each different change, personalities change along with it. 

Visiting his past made me feel just a wee bit different about him at the moment. But then again, it just means that my view of him changed, just by that much. And it's good that it did. Because it means I can love him just that much more than I already have. :)