Down to Earth instead of floating in the clouds

Hello again. 

Today, I've tried really hard to go into new groups of people, to make new friends. Of course, having a second identity worked a little better for me knowing that even if I screw up, people won't know who I am. Even if I screw that up (God forbid that from happening - Amen.), I just have to create another persona and just start again. Thing about having more than one identity is that people don't know who is the real you, due to the fact that in that particular world, you rarely meet the person within. 

But then I realised something. I was trying a little too hard to blend in, when in the first place, what I wanted wasn't to just blend in. I was thinking to myself that seeing as my own worlds don't really accept who I am, might as well try being a part of another world. In a way, it is a good idea. It's a new source of friends for me. And it gives me something to do when Ange goes to one of these things for performances. I get to make a bunch of friends (virtual or no) without having to worry about whether they'll be okay with the real me, seeing as I probably won't be showing them the real me within, figuratively speaking or no. 

However, what Callum had said to me a few months ago struct my memory. Be in a different world from the person you are with. It makes it easier to come up with things to talk about (ironically, being in the same world means you go through the same things, which in turn means less things to tell each other about), and just in case of anything, perhaps if the beau is busy, you would have another world for you to be busy in. To me, having another world meant that I could be independent when I wanted to. When you and your beau belong in two different worlds, or perhaps more, it means when you are known in your own world, you are holding your own, without help of the beau.

I don't want to think that I'm trying to get into this new world just to be closer to him. I don't need to do that for it to happen. When I decided to go into the world, I wanted to do it without the beau's help, so that people won't look at me and go 'oh isn't that who who who's girlfriend who started this and that because her boyfriend helped out?'. Probably this is all just my thinking too much, people probably don't think that way anyway, let alone thinking that it's a bad thing. But I think it's just the independent streak in me. If I want to be known, I want to be known as myself (technically), not as someone else's someone. 

I stopped myself from 'blending in' so much when I realised something. I wanted to retain the real me, instead of trying so hard to maintain another identity in another world. In that world, I am this person. But in this world, I am Kaitlyn Emily Summers. The sense of Western and Eastern gives me a sense of difference in my heart. Here, I am English. There...well...who knows who am I. Even I'm not so sure of that yet. It's only my first day trying after all. I have a lot of identities in my head. Perhaps after this, I'll be spending a lot of time telling myself that being Kaitlyn in this world keeps me grounded instead of being another person in that world. 

Knowing that I have taken that first step today, that has made me proud. I was afraid of many things, of people's negativity especially. I was still going against every suggestion that my friend Cherry B and also Ange has given me, just because I was insecure of myself stepping into a new world. Today, I stepped. I may have tried a little harder than usual, but I'm proud of myself that I was willing to take that first step. Now, with a toe into the other world and the rest of me being Kaitlyn here, I think I can be pretty happy. I'm happier being Kaitlyn, I always have been. I guess all I wanted to know is that I have the option of being someone else should I need to be for a while. 

Negativity and the negatives

I am protective. And I've just realised that I wasn't like this before. Is it because of the bullying in my past that made me change into this negative self-protective person that other people try to avoid being my friend? Am I not worth being someone's friend?

Callum was right. We really have to have other friends other than the beau. Gives more drama to talk about other than the technical stuff. And yet, when I look at myself, I know that I am negative about things a lot. I don't like it when people are / make it seem that they are better than me. I just have a habit of giving the opposite opinion. If other people are positive about something, I tell them something negative about it to balance things out, and vice versa. But when it comes to people of the past who looked down on me, who bullied me, who just put front the image of themselves being better than other people, sometimes it makes me feel resentful. I feel like as if they don't deserve the image that they portray. 

There are people who just exudes a certain aura that shows their status, but without being snobby or without being show off-ish. Those are the people that really deserves to be where they are. They don't try to show their superiority, they just exude that particular aura that makes me feel very impressed.

Alas, those people are very rare nowadays. In my whole life I've only seen a few who are like that, worth being impressed about. When it comes to those who purposely want to show off, I immediately have a certain judgement about them. Granted, we should not judge. But this is something that I cannot help. I utterly dislike those people who has once done me wrong, or has ever given me a bad impression. Even if they've changed to be a better person, I cannot help but to continue to resent them. We shouldn't judge people by their past, true. But that's only possible if what they did in their past does not include you. 

Would you forget a bully if you were bulllied by them once before? Even if they changed into a saint, you'll find yourself maybe able to forgive them, but never being able to forget. And since the people who did me wrong once before didn't become saints, safe to say that I still haven't forgiven them. They're don't deserve the forgiveness. You can say that they don't care anyway, and not forgiving them is just harming myself. But I cannot find it in myself to forgive them. They really just don't deserve it. 

Because of all that, I'm almost negative by nature. People around me are so positive that I always give the opposite opinion anyway. Is it because of this that friends seem to shy away from me? Or at least, if not shy, they don't remember me when they think of friends? 

Granted, it is safer to keep my opinions to myself. My friend Edward said once, it is safer to not say anything so that people won't have anything to put against you. Ange has that principal too. Alas, I'm not a person who can keep anything inside myself. I've learnt when I was a child that if you kept anything to yourself, nothing good will come out of it. You'll just suffer more. Either the bullies will continue to do what they will, or the idiots will continue to become idiots. So why not tell them that they're being idiots? They won't like it? So what? If they don't listen, isn't it their own folly? 

These are the few questions that I ask myself constantly from time to time. Why don't we tell people who are idiots that they are idiots? Why do we keep things to ourselves to save our butts and to continue to watch people be idiots? When I say idiots, I mean those who are trying to make themselves look like hoes, those who join in things because they just want to be popular, and so on. 

*sigh*

I also get jealous very easily in certain cases, but usually the first time is with a very valid reason. Anytime after that, because my mechanism recognizes that this person has done me wrong once (whether they themselves know it or not), especially when they've never apologized, my heart continues to want to be negative towards this person, even if it's is for a simple reason, rational one or not. And it irritates me further when the person I tell this negativity to, supports that person. Inside my head, my subconscious must be screaming : "why can't you see that this person doesn't deserve your praises???!! Why can't you be on my side for a change????!!!! Why must you be a freaking pacifist????!!!"

Cruel...and unreasonable, I know. I have that side of me. But as I've said, it is something that we cannot help. Edward once said to me, intelligently, we know what we're supposed to do. We know where the boundaries are supposed to be set. We try our best to fend off what people deem is bad and negative. But emotionally, when the feelings come, they will come. We cannot stop them, neither can we tell them to go away. It is something that we humans cannot help but to follow. How true...

So what do I do? 

I miss being home...

In a blink of an eye, it's already 2 weeks to school reopen for me. I really don't know what to feel actually. I really want the holidays to drag. For one reason I can actually have a reason to go up to KL again: because I still have a LOONNNGGGG holiday ahead of me. But now, with only 2 weeks left, one contemplates on whether it's worth the trip when I'm going to be back there in 2 weeks anyway. Being able to spend time with my family should be the key point at the moment. I'm at the position where I really want to spend time with my family, especially my parents, as much as I can, and I also want to see Ange again. 

Tomorrow I'm going to run with my cousin. With only 2 weeks left in my chances to sleep late and I'm 'wasting' it by deciding to go jog around with le cousin. Every part of me is screaming at me "are you crazy???!"...heh. After tomorrow then I'll stay lazy until school starts. =w=

Thinking back to my old self, I've realised how much I've actually changed over the years. From a girl who had the opinion that friends were over family, I have now become a person who puts family above everything, my parents in particular. Then comes le beau and then le friends. I feel like I know the real important people in my life now. God bless my family...and also Ange. =) The rest, to be honest, can just take a number until when I am actually bothered to care about them. They've never given me much of their time of day, some of them do, but most of them don't, even when I did. So I don't see the point of making them any sort of priority. They're the options.

When I marry in the future, I want to be able to stay somewhere really really near to my parents. I really wouldn't mind staying here in my hometown. For one thing, I would be available for my family whenever I'm needed. And I'm able to visit my parents every weekend like mama does now. I guess it's only the job problem that I've got to worry about. My hometown isn't exactly booming with new businesses. But I guess it's a topic that I can only think about when the time comes. 

TV dilemma

I just finished watching the whole Season 1 of Perception and I'm wondering now if it's a good idea. *laughs* I was looking forward to watching it on the TV, you know, the excitement of having a real TV schedule to stick to? It's one of the things that I miss, especially when I'm in uni, there's no TV to watch, there's no shows to look forward to. There's only the laptop where I download shows that I know of and watch them. I don't get to be introduced to new shows, like Perception now. I will only be stuck to the ones I already know of. *sigh* 

This is why I prefer to be at home, one of the reasons anyway. Being able to watch TV is one of the freedom that I always associated with being at home. Of course there's nothing to watch in the daytime usually, but during the nighttime the shows on 8TV really isn't so bad, like Perception and the Mentalist (that I'm now currently trying to follow every week religiously). Who ever said following TV shows are bad? It just gives me something to look forward to every week. And trust me, with me having not much to do at night but to stay in front of the laptop in my room, an excuse to go out and spend time with my family is much appreciated, although I know some of you may say that I don't need a reason to spend time with them. True, I don't need one. But having one is appreciated all the same. 

I'm downloading the Perception Season 2's episode 7 and 8 now. I'm hoping to be able to resist watching it until I head to uni in three weeks. I miss Ange so much, but I have a feeling I'll be missing my family even more when I get back to uni. Give and take I guess. I wonder if I want to head to the Animagaki event that he will be performing in. My cousin's driving up there on Friday, I could stay until Sunday if I wanted to. I'm sure my mum would let. But to be honest, although I really want to see my man do what he does on stage, I don't want to lose any 'at home with family' time more than I will next time. I will be able to see Ange perform again. There will be that chance. But there might not be such a long holiday again for me to be with my family...and really, I don't want to waste what I have. So I guess I'm staying home.

Although, sad fact is, I'm so fickle that I change my thoughts a lot sometimes...

But I really feel that I should stay home. As mama said (a lot to me these few weeks - which makes sense), enjoy your holiday. Boy, I haven't heard that sentence in a loong loooooong while, I can assure you. I've never been allowed to sleep in this late before (naturally waking up is just so awesome). And I'm not about to stop that now.

_(:3」∠)_

Hormones and depression...just a little.

What is it with hormones that makes my mood go up and down and up and down? Seriously I hate having periods, period! (no pun intended)...

This is one of the days where I felt extremely content an hour ago, and upon seeing that Ange's out with Mr. Practical and probably won't have time for me, my mood turned a little for the worse. Where's my empathy of understanding, you ask? Oh, it's right here, in my head. It's telling me that he needs his time with his friends and all that and he can't cater to my every whim every time. Yeah I know that. I just can't help but to feel depressed that's all. Probably the hormones. (Hormones inside me are probably going : "yeah yeah, blame everything on us *grumbles* nobody gives us any credit". Well, if you want credit, quit making people depressed!!!)

I'm not sure why but I just don't feel too serene. I have nothing on my mind to worry about, 'cept for the idiotic landlord and chief tenant's lack of courtesy that's pissing me off. Otherwise, I'm perfectly serene, with just a splash of depressed emotions in the heart. 

The mind has no control over the heart. It's as if both my brain and my heart works together at the same time, one of the main reasons why although I have empathy, I constantly struggle with myself and my decisions. Empathy and irrationality works together hand-in-hand, making clashing decisions to think and feel different at every chance they get. As if my hormones aren't doing enough to my emotions once every month (hormones: "quit blaming us will you?!" ; Me: " yeah yeah yeah...*scoffs*").

Sometimes, the heart in me likes to tell people that take him away from me (temporarily - obviously). People like his college people (uni stuff), his friends (normal case), even his anime-s and games (yes I'm that crazy...). My heart's telling me to be selfish sometimes when it comes to him, it's just that I don't really...do too much of what my heart tells me (anyone at this point might sigh in relief). Unless there is no conditions where following my heart doesn't give bad consequences, following my mind (aka Miss Rationality the Empathy Department of Brain Inc.) has always been the way to go, to avoid others being mad at me. 

Heh...what do I know right now, right? I'm just depressed...

Glamour: Le self or le cosplaying self?

Now this is a topic that I find very interesting. Why do people want to be somebody else? I stumbled upon a friend's Facebook site and saw the grouping of profiles in the 'friends' category that interested me. There is was, Miss Shirley and her cosplaying persona side by side, though I wonder how many people actually know that they are both of the same person. 

I looked at their profile pictures and I saw that, evidently, the cosplaying profile was more glamorous than her normal persona. And thus is why she maintained her cosplaying profile more than the normal one. Interesting how people want to be someone else. I'm don't condemning, don't get me wrong. I envy that they are able to do that. Actually, I envy that they have the budget to do that. If I could, I would love to dress up as somebody else, getting all the attention and adoration without people actually knowing it's me. It's some sort of a freedom that not many people can or want to have.

I love (good) attention. Sure, I do. But I don't want attention as myself, cause I have this issue with being too self-conscious, which is where my empathy comes from (ironically). Call it a clash of character. But it is easier to adore getting attention when we're not ourselves. Because we won't be judged for wanting attention. 

Hmmm....this is just a short train of thought. Not much to write about really...

A message to the loved ones...

There were a lot of embarrassing moments that happened in my teenage years, especially when it came to boys. I had a crush on this guy once, Elliot. He was, at that time, the most popular guy in my hometown, even among the 5 famous schools. I got to know him through my closest girlfriend at the time, who was (again, at the time - how things changed) his godsister. She was freaking out about talking to him and asked me for help to do the communications work. I did a lot of that for her back then, and got to know a lot more people that I probably shouldn't have known for my own good. Ah well, let bygones be bygones. 

Now, Elliot's life has always been drama-worthy. I'm guessing by the look of his Facebook, that hasn't changed that much either. But back then, it freaked me out that I could be talking to him. The friendly tomboy who doesn't know a spec of boys in her early puberty years was talking to the most popular guy in town. If you were me back then, most of you probably wouldn't feel any different. A lot of girls dream to be close to the popular guy one time or another in our lives. 

Then came Elliot's birthday. I come from a normal (and loving) family where gifts that were handmade are (still) very much appreciated. The heart shaped pillow I made for papa when I was 8 years old is still in his drawer I think. And seeing as I didn't have much budget for an expensive gift, I opted to give Elliot something I thought was more meaningful (to me), a bottle of stars and a couple of handmade flowers. I know what're you going to say. He's a guy, receiving flowers (especially at the age of puberty) pretty much spelled geek. I made them, put them in a bigger box and handed to that close friend of mine to give it to him. 

I later found out that he opened the presents in front of everybody. I'm not sure whether this is in my head or it really happened, but I have a certain memory of knowing that a few girls actually laughed at what I gave him. Sounds very typical, isn't it? Needless to say though, I was embarrassed. I wrote what I could in my diary (I didn't have a blog back then) and locked it in the deepest chasm I could find in the house: my bedside drawer.

I shudder to think if I ever should take and read back the part of 13th of August. Yes, I still remember the date, very clearly. It was a moment that I really do not want to recall and yet can't help but to. This makes me think that sometimes, when a person is used to receiving expensive gifts, no matter how bad being materialistic is, it is hard to give them anything else that meant spending less than what they're used to receiving. Just to give you an example, at the moment, Hugo Boss perfumes is his cheapest gift yet. Note the 's'. 

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

I'm a person who loves to make handmade things. It makes me feel like I'm making more of an effort into the gift. One of my main love languages is receiving gifts. It makes me happy to receive one and to give one in return. I think I spend half my yearly allowance back in puberty time on sending Chinese New Year and Mooncake festival packages to people all around my hometown. And it made me happy when the same people have the courtesy (?) or the initiative (?) to send one back to me. It was the sign of a close friendship for me, as materialistic as that sounds. 

So as a result, I have made it some sort of an obligation for the people that I'm close with to give me something for birthdays, anniversaries, special days and so on. Some people might think that I just love presents. True. I do love them. I love something that I can keep, use, or hold onto. But it is the people who give me the presents that mean the most to me. You should see how many trinkets I have kept over the two decades that I have lived from the people I love, my family in particular. Every single one I have kept, even if they're just taking up space. I'd cry if any of them is thrown away. That's how much I cherish these things, materialistic or no. 

Ange drove me to meet me at a highland resort for my birthday this year. And to be honest I feel rather guilty for asking something from him as a present. Driving to meet me itself should be something that I appreciate to no end, which I do. But I guess my being adamant and wanting something solid to remember gets the better of me. *soft laughs* I'm sorry...

Sometimes when people ask me what do I want for my birthday, I feel rather odd. Of course I would love to tell them anything, anything at all that I needed. But sometimes, it is also the spontaneity that makes me appreciate the present all the more. I guess in my heart, it isn't just gifts that touches me, it's the effort behind it. 

But to papa and mama, thank you so much for giving me what I want for my birthday. 

To papa, thank you for asking before my birthday ever came. Thank you for buying me both the present and the birthday cake, which I relish in eating even if it is squished beyond recognition after coming home from the trip *chuckle*. Also thank you for loving me so much. 

To mama, thank you for giving me the allowance to spend, knowing that I need it. Thank you for loving me so so much to the point I want to cry every night. 

To my brother and sister, thank you for giving me the present, even thought I suspect it was just a by-the-way purchase =w=;;. 

And to Ange, thank you, for driving up to see me, for being there with me on the day that I could call my own, for kissing me and hugging me, for agreeing to get me another thing for my birthday even though I know that driving up is already one heck of an effort for you to make ( ❤ ), thank you for setting your schedule aside for me, thank you for loving me and taking in my ridiculousness regardless of the time of day, and thank you, for being by my side. 

I love all of you so so much. Thank you. ❤❤❤❤

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

With much love, 

Kaitlyn ❤

Two is perfect but is three a crowd???

Do we ever feel jealous whenever our best friends try to bring a new friend into the fold? Or when the new friends try to squeeze themselves into the fold? Well...I've been through both. And through my experience, both of them really isn't pleasant at all.

When it comes to friendships, I'm rather territorial. I don't mind extending my hand of friendship to a new person that I have just met. But when that particular person is invited in without my consent or tries to push in the fold without my consent, I will feel my shackles rise. My brain will naturally want to reject that person away from me, and most importantly, away from the group. I just don't want to lose the solidarity that I have with the current friend, especially if it is a best friend. 

There have been too many cases in my life where the current friend pushed me out of the circle because of that new friend. Granted, some of you would say that maybe they weren't 'steady' enough to be my best friend in the first place. Or maybe I did something wrong. But no, I always try my best to be the loyal and helpful friend. I've never done them wrong. So my guess is as good as yours. Maybe I just wasn't interesting enough.

At any rate, self-pity aside, I just don't like it whenever a new person comes into the fold forcibly (through my eyes). My (gay) best friend Callum has asked to bring a new friend to our gathering. More of a date than a gathering, seeing as it is only two people. This new friend is a girl that I know exists. We talk fairly little, mostly only random comments on each other's posts on Facebook, and even that is once in a blue moon. Through Callum, I have known that this girl has some sort of a same interest as me and him, Literature and books. She blogs too, but I rather not include her blog in here. 

Now, Callum is gay. So obviously (in case some of you think so), there is no romantic intention towards him whatsoever. I waste no time in telling you that I am poker straight. But I am just the type of person that cannot stand someone else trying to bring in someone new. Probably it's some sort of a trauma from past experiences. I tend to think negatively of the person they try to bring in, even for no reason at all. 

This girl, I shall call her Fiona (a name I really don't like in the first place, so you can see where I'm coming from), is not someone I can relate to. To be honest, I'm not even sure that I want to relate to her or connect with her. She speaks English and thus, language is not the barrier. But Callum and I have this bond, this bond where it enables me to crap about whatever topic under the Sun. And I personally feel that anyone else who is there will just ruin the bond. I've been through the same with Elene and her boyfriend where when she's around, I am unable to talk about anything personal with him, with him being my past best friend. 

I don't know what I should think right now. But I guess if Callum is willing to bring her in a once in a long while gathering together, I'm guessing that he isn't that exclusive a friend after all. Someone told me once that having a smaller circle of friends means you don't have to take much crap from people. Usually a smaller circle means most of your friends knows you very well and vice versa. But in my case, I'm guessing that having a small circle of friends only makes me risk being hurt by them more and not being able to have back up. Harsh as that sounds, this is reality.

It's a matter of Perception

It's 7.30pm in the evening and I'm sitting here struggling with whether I want to watch the next few episodes of Perception or not. I'm trying to catch the episodes on TV (what with excitement of watching shows on TV and all) but I already have the full Season 1 on my laptop. 

Credits to Google Images

I've downloaded the whole series for Season 1 and 6 episodes from Season 2 at the moment. I'm guessing in a couple of weeks I'll have the next 4 episodes in hand as well. I just couldn't imagine that the show is so intriguing. Dr. Daniel Pierce (second from left in the above image), who struggles with a condition called schizophrenia, a condition that makes him hallucinate people and objects, helps out the FBI with their cases. It's sorta my new favourite TV show. To be honest, this is one of the few shows that actually makes me think (more than usual obviously).

Thoughts seem to swim in my head easier after I've watched an episode of Perception. Maybe it's due to Dr. Pierce's starting and final few dialogue that always gets me thinking.

Credits to Dr. Daniel Pierce's Quotes FB

"The self is really a collection of several distinct neural networks, all running on this glob of jelly between our ears. 

So, if there are different versions of yourself floating around inside your skull, which one is the real you?"

- Dr. Daniel Pierce

Interesting...isn't it? The way he talks. I suppose the writers of the show's scripts should have credit. But I like to think that Pierce actually said that (well, technically as Pierce is also fiction, he did say that). 

So who is the real 'me' inside all of us? The one who dreams to sing on top of a stage? Or the one who achieved the top scorer's award in Harvard? The one who sit in the room just chillin' to the music? Or the one who thinks constantly about the world's problems and its society?

Personally, I feel that there is a lot of 'me'-s in me. There is the girl who yearns to sing on that stage. There is the girl who yearns to be the top scorer in Harvard. I don't usually chill to music. But I am also the girl who giggle and laugh around, the girl who protects her friend, the girl who's not afraid to speak her mind, and also the girl who's afraid of what people think about her. Ironic, isn't it? The last two especially.

In my more-than-two-decades of life, I've learnt something very important. None of us are just one person. We are many people in our lives. We are daughters, sons, friends, mothers, fathers, teachers and so on. We are also happy, sad, cheerful and depressed. We can be the loudest person in the group to the quietest person in the room. We can be the most precise leaders in a task and we can also be the most reckless in the team (think Captain James T. Kirk). 

Sometimes it confuses us, especially during our teenage years. We find that we can be many many people. We can have different personalities around different people. Some people find it that it is hard to determine who they themselves are because of such complexity of the human mind. It confused me once. Thankfully, after understanding the fact that we are many people in our lives, I've stopped struggling with myself and just let 'the chips fall where they may' about my life. 

I don't go about trying to be who I'm not. I just go about trying to be what I think is right. That may be narcissistic, some of you may say. But then again, some of us live the days not even knowing who we are and try to fool other people (and mostly importantly ourselves) that we must live according to the 'self' that other people think we are. So I, for one, am thankful of who I've decided to become. No matter which 'self' that I am, I am myself, always changing.

Now, that's my opinion. If you had one minute to think about the 'selves' that are swimming around in your brain, who do you think is the real you?

Waging a war with the experts in a game is like you're prepared to lose...innit...

Ever think that sometimes, we go around trying to make others feel more inferior than us? Even subconsciously? Yeah...I do that sometimes. But not to make others feel inferior, but instead to make myself feel superior.

You see...there is a difference between the two. What I see certain people are doing is that they use their so-called 'skills' to play mind games with people. Most of the time it's using words, whether it's from a bully, an academic (a plain psychology student maybe?), or even the smallest kid. We do a lot of things either to make other people feel inferior to us (in other words, bring them down), or to make ourselves feel superior (bring ourselves up). 

Certain people like to bring others down. They humiliate others by pushing them around, saying mean things (that mostly aren't true and come from their own insecurities) and beating people up, even. Some use things that they learn from places to play with people's minds without the use of violence. Myself, I like to think that I do both. I bring people down and pull myself up, but more on the latter, and only when I'm hopping mad. I say whatever I want about that certain someone (of course, making sure that it's a logical explanation before I start spouting words) to the closest people around me (preferably someone that has something to do with the person I'm mad at or it won't have the impact that I want), just to make myself feel better without actually hurting the person I'm mad at. I never actually get mad at a person without actually knowing that I have good reason.

Regardless, I still sound rather mean, don't I? *sigh* 

I have this friend of mine who has just gotten his first girlfriend, a psychologist student at that. Ange told me that she has made a hobby out of 'playing' his friends, using words to make them back up and probably with the intention to show that although she's only two decades old she's still 'smarter' than the rest of the twenty-year plus year old friends. Unfortunately, she made the mistake of coming to me with her childish way of playing. Childish, because being an expert is at least knowing to find out about your opponent's strengths before actually going ahead with her game. 

Needless to say, she lost. She tried to play with my mind, to get me to back up to her 'teasings' just as how she expected all her boyfriend's friends to be like. She didn't know she was dealing with the Mistress of this game. I analyse people faster than anyone can complete their sentences. The minute she came in with her 'war' strategies, she was a goner, I saw through her straight away. Knowing she wanted to play, I played along with her, trumping her at every strategy she had on her sleeve. She was, at most, a good player. Me and Ange are veterans. When she threatened in her way, to go to Ange with her 'teasings', I invited her to go ahead, not even worrying about him as I know, if she was stupid enough to 'play' him, the one losing would be her. She knew that she had nothing on me, and thus she gave up the game. 

I didn't bother so much before because my friend was a willing recipient of her psychopathic warfare, so long it didn't come to me and Ange. Now that it has come, it made me mad that she doesn't even know her own level to play with the experts. Ange said that I'm probably mad because she is similar to me. Yes...she is similar, but without empathy. And that is where she will lose dearly should she forget to measure the strengths of her opponents. I ask analysing questions to allow myself and other people see themselves better. Most of my 'clients' get surprised whenever they answer my questions and find out new things about themselves. I enjoy making people squirm sure, once in a while, but only teasing them as a good friend, never to shoot at people. 

You've brought the war to me. Make sure you don't come to me or Ange with your nonsense again. I don't mind being your friend. But come to me with another war in your mind and I can assure you, you will find your degree totally useless when you're facing me.