Cracking bottle...I need more just than a piece of plaster

I can feel myself cracking at the sides, needing someone to tape the cracks up for me. I am back now to KL and I can feel the homesickness grow. I was depressed for the past day, though probably distractions has (thankfully) kept my tears at bay. I've been depressed for the past 24 hours, although I'm not really sure why was I like that. I just knew that every little thing would trigger myself to feel a little bit sadder / number than I was the previous second. 

The distractions that Noir gave me allowed me to be sane for that few 24 hours. But now as I get hungry in the middle of the night, one piece of Mandarin orange is enough to get me thinking of home, and there starts where my resolve to keep it in for now crumble. Tears are leaking out as the cracks on the bottle that holds everything start to increase one by one. It's taking all my willpower to keep myself from breaking in front of my roommate, which is not what I need right now. 

It's only Monday and here I am wishing that I was able to break everything down last night. After meeting Noir again after a month, I feel the warmth that he gives me increase, asking me how I am and wanting to assure me that he's always there. I wanted to let go of everything right then. But somehow I didn't want to talk about it too much in detail yet as I didn't want the first night of meeting him after a month to result in a bout of crying and nothing else. And yet, after feeling a few days of homesickness even from home, and a variety of pressure landing on me and keeping everything in, I can feel my resolve breaking bit by bit as the cracks on the bottle increase ten fold. 

Deep breaths are the only thing keeping my tears at bay at the moment, though not that effectively at bay. Perhaps because it leaked a bit, so keeping the rest in seems easier. It will increase again over time, I'm sure of it. But all I can do now is to hope that I can last till Thursday, because crying alone and in front of anyone else doesn't seem to help, only to duplicate a bottle and to empty one, not two, because I know only by telling Noir that I can feel at least a generous amount of relief. Telling my parents would be the best idea, but I have a feeling that telling them would release a lot more than just a bottle's worth.